What Compels Me?

What compels you to reach
the top of the world?

Last night I finally convinced my husband to join the gym. He’s always hated gyms. And I don’t blame him. There is nothing worse than running in place staring at yourself in the mirror for an hour. Or facing off with a grunting brut huffing and puffing with weights that are way too heavy for him. My husband is in amazing shape and rides his road bike whenever he can. It comes naturally to him since he has been riding for almost 20 years. So why did he cave after all this time? Because he wants to get better at his racing. And he wants to win. To do that, he plans to start weight training to build strength and power in his legs.

We had a discussion as we were heading to the gym to sign his life away for a year. Does he really need to do this? Well, no. He isn’t going to be a professional racer. There is no one telling him he has to train. Just like I don’t have to spend an hour or two every day running, riding or lifting. Our lives are so busy even without that. You already know our commute eats two hours of our day. If we didn’t train, we would probably have a lot more time to take care of the other things on our ever growing to-do list. So, when I asked Dave, do you really need to do this? His response? Well yes, if I want to get better, then I do.

There is something that compels us. Each of us. To push ourselves beyond our limits. For some it’s with work, or raising a family, for others it’s working out or a hobby that we enjoy. Hopefully everyone finds something in their lives on which they always want to improve.

I was trying to figure out what compels me. The obvious thing is that I love testing myself and getting better. I’m my biggest competitor. I like to see that I’m making progress at something. It builds confidence that seeps into other aspects of my everyday life. But there is something more. I have always loved the outdoors and there are a lot of adventures that I want to attempt. When I see a mountain, I want to be on the top of it. When I see a trail, I want to hike it. When I see a ski slope, I want to ski it. But the only way to accomplish these dreams is to be fit. So part of this is to maintain a base level of fitness that enables me to enjoy all of these adventures without having to think twice.



The unreachable summit in Colorado.
Vengence will be mine!

About 18 months ago, I was visiting a friend in Colorado and he took me out to hike a 12,000ft mountain. And I couldn’t make it to the top. I still cringe when I think about it today. It is a combination of my competitive self and just a feeling of disappointment that I couldn’t say that I stood at the summit of that climb. I know I could make that peak today. And this year I look forward to when my same friend leads me to the top of a 14,000 foot mountain. I want the satisfaction of standing at the top of the world.

But what is it that truly compels me during my day to day training – to get to the top of that climb or cross the finish line of that run? Well, that’s a much more personal thing. It’s my mom. I have a mantra that I repeat in my head when I feel like I can’t push another step or pedal stroke. I don't think I've ever shared this with anyone. I repeat to myself: “My mom suffered through something far greater than this. She felt real pain. Don’t be a wimp Nicole. Livestrong.” And that makes me angry and it makes me determined. And so I draw upon her amazing strength and I carry on. I’d like to think that she is somewhere propelling me to success. But that is not my belief. Instead, I know that I am doing it from the inside. Perhaps it is that I have a little of her in me. And so being out there pushing myself beyond my limits makes me feel closer to her. She was a cancer fighter and this is my way of fighting back still.

My mom is with me when I am alone at the gym on a cold winter night and she is with me on the top of every mountain I climb. So if you ever see me finishing a sprint and leaving everything behind, or shedding tears on a bike collapsing at the top of a climb, know that I am being driven by one of the toughest people I’ve ever known. My mom is my secret weapon. She is what compels me.

What is it that pushes you to do better? Whether it is running, or writing, or cooking or raising your kids – everyone has an engine that drives them. Take some time to figure out what compels you. You may surprise yourself.



My mom has always been my secret weapon.